dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
