I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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