Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Randomize
