btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
