Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
