I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
