the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Randomize
