ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
