I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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