New low: just hacked my moms facebook
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
