The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
