you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
