I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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