Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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