Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
