What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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