During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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