you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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