We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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