i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
