One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
