the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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