I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
