come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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