I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
