How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
