The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Randomize
