I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
