You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
