The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
