He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
