when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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