I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
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