u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
