Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
