i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
