i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
