i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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