Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
