Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Randomize
