youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
