Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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