please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
