Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
