we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
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