she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
