oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
