my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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