It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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