She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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