omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
